Public. Private. Secret.
I recently got back from a beautiful vacation.
When we returned I began a deliberate process of rejoining my life already in progress.
I told my Penpal (blogpal?) that I had left my alter ego and alias on the shelf for a couple of weeks and that I was now in the process of pulling it back over my shoulders like a well worn coat.
She asked me how that felt, pulling the alias back on, was it a good thing?
Here’s the thing; it is a good thing, a very good thing. After all these years I embrace my self and my secret selves. Having a secret self can be a healthy thing - the thoughts are going to come into my head no matter what I do. So why block them? Why look for a cure? Why have guilt? Enjoy it, embrace it, get to know it - grow it.
My alias and alter are as much a part of me as my public face and my private face - I’m good with that.
And I carry little secrets that I share with only my lover. At a certain point in a long, long love affair and life together you need to keep it interesting. Some of my secrets are shared, some are private. After 26 years I can honestly say that the sex just keeps getting better and more intimate. Secrets help me maintain a sense of eroticism that goes beyond simple hormonal attraction, they allow me to be in touch with my sexuality always. And they allow my lover and me a deeper, stronger bond, we are more like twins (this made even more poignant through role reversal and pegging).
1) When we are out in public or with friends I am warmed by thought that my wife tops me, that we peg, that I am hers - hers. It is a special thing we share, something I don’t think everyone would understand.
2) I like to shave. I like the clean feeling of no bush and no leg hair - not for everyone, but it makes me feel sexy and desirable - she likes it too. I’m not sure what my buddies would say or how many of them keep it clean - either way - I like it, been that way for a long time.
3) I write erotica and keep this blog. This started out as a scrapbook I kept for myself but it has grown into something a little more. Either way, you guys are the only ones that see this, it is secret from my private and public lives.
So that’s it - Public. Private. Secret.
Be good to each other.
-ryder
